The Reasons Why
by SmirkingHatter
Summary: Oneshot :: Hitsugaya Toushirou wanted to know why :: R n R please :: republished ::


Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

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**~9~9~9~9~9~**

**The Reasons Why**

**~9~9~9~9~9~  
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He never felt needed.

No one had ever came to him and said, "I need your help." No one had ever told him to stay, to accompany them, because they all thought that he was too creepy. No one had praised him for the goals he had achieved. No one, because they thought he was too intimidating, a freak, for being able to achieve all that glory with such small amount of time.

They all said that it's lonely at the top.

Then, every time that sentence crossed his mind, he would think that he won't feel that way, because for him, it's already lonely in the bottom. How lonely could he feel when he gets to the top? It wouldn't –couldn't—be worse than this; than this nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, than this horrifying weakness he hid from everyone. Than this, heart clutching truth he kept to himself. Than this; the only fear he had ever had.

_The fear of being alone._

Someone had asked him before, _what pleasure do you get by becoming a captain?_ It's Ikakku Madarame, who had asked him that, as a respond to his question, his wonder at why he had refused to become a captain. He was left speechless then. He had been unable to answer that simple question, and the bald man had looked at him with understanding flashing in his eyes, before he turned around and left him alone at the training ground.

Since then, he had been thinking about it. Hard, because the question wouldn't left him alone. Reminding him of the fear, the darkness in his past he thought he had left behind.

_Why did I become a captain?_

To protect Hinamori, that was why.

_But is that true?_ Did he become a captain because of Hinamori?

He joined the Gotei 13 because of Hinamori, yes. But she's not the reason why he chose to be a captain. He used to think that he became a captain because he wanted to distract her from captain Aizen for a second, to shower him with the attention she used to give him when they were still a child, and got carried away in the process.

Why did he bother to work that hard just for her?

She was naïve, he knew that. He had known since the beginning. He had known that she would not care for something that is not a jewel, a no sun that can't shine like captain Aizen could in her eyes. Oh yes, she'll care, but she wouldn't actually care, not from the deepest place in her heart.

Hinamori had long ago grown worlds apart from him. And now he realized that he had never actually cared, because he had never felt hurt, not like how it should have.

If it's not for Hinamori .. then why? Why had he worked so hard to become a captain? Why was he willing to risk his life in the process?

He'll do anything to find the answers.

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Sword clashing, Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes, fixing his stance as he do so. _One_, he dodged from an attack on his left. _Two_, he dashed forward, swinging Hyourinmaru to slash the hollow in front of him. _Three_, he blasted a kidou to the Hollow flying above him, feeling satisfaction as he heard the hollow's cry of despair that came together with the kidou's red brimming light. He heard a cracking noise, and he glanced up for a brief second to confirm his suspicion that the weak kidou had done it's job. That flying hollow was not that strong after all.

Just yesterday he received a report about some nasty hollow attacks at rukongai, how they had caused the disappearance of some of the villagers, and then he himself had decided to check it out. And guess what he had found. Three giant hollows –minus one—because he had already terminated the flying one.

Slash. Dodge. Slash. Kidou. Slash. Scream.

Another glance to confirm he had also killed the one on his left, before he dashed forward again, leaping when he had come nearer to the Hollow. The hollow attacked, brilliant shades of yellow light came out from its eyes, shattering things it shone on.

"Hyourinmaru." The dragon transformed itself in front of him, curling around him to keep the shattering attack away. The light faded out, and Hyourinmaru turned himself back into the form of a sword. "Thanks." He mumbled to his dragon companion before he said the finishing word.

"Bankai. Daiguren Hyourinmaru."

.

He twisted his sword, fixing it back into place as he eyed the surroundings around him. He sighed. Geez, he's going to have to write an extra long report of apologies for the soutaichou for destroying … things … by his bankai. Troublesome. He knew the old man's going to cut his salary. Again.

" … Excuse me?"

Hitsugaya looked to his left to found a small hand clutching at his robe. A girl, around the age of six years old looked up at him, a smile on her face.

"Yes?" Matsumoto said it once. He's not that talkactive.

"I want to thank you, for saving us the villagers from those creepy monsters," her smile grew and she held up a dandelion, "This is my thanks to you."

Strangely, the way the little girl said 'Creepy Monster' reminded him to Yachiru. He twitched. No way Yachiru could say 'Creepy Monster' without some murderous intent. Yes, she can't.

Hitsugaya was silent for a while before he kneeled to look at the girl from eye to eye. He held up his palm and took the dandelion she gave him. "Thanks."

The little girl giggled, before she ran back to the direction of the village.

He smiled, a genuine smile.

Yes, this is definitely his reason why.

_To feel needed._

_To save them._

_To give help._

_To be there._

Those simple reasons were his reason why.

In a good mood for the first time that week, Hitsugaya stood up, before he walked down the narrow pathway to the village. A nice walk would not hurt.

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A oneshot of mine. I'm taking a break from my stories for a while, maybe I'm going to write some oneshots before I start continuing my story again. Ah yes, do please vote in a poll in my profile. It's about how I should end my Bleach fanfic, Accepting Reality. I would really like to know what you think about this oneshot, because it mysteriously appeared in my mind. Well, leave a review! Thanks!

~ rariiez


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